This is somewhat a Christmas-themed comic. You will notice that we did not post it on Christmas, even though it was totes a Wednesday.
For those of you with shoddy memory or simply don’t read the comic ever (just kidding, you’re all the latter), may I remind you of a simple holiday poem I wrote to convey our position on Christmastime updates:

Fuck you, kid. Eat a dick.

Now that it’s not Christmas and instead an entirely different but ultimately far more pointless celebratory day, we’re posting this.
It’s 2014. I might have a word of wisdom about new beginnings, but that would ring hollow coming from the man who still makes Hitler comics almost two years after everyone told him they weren’t funny. Instead, remind yourself that this may seem like the perfect time to let the troubles and toils of the previous year fade away and allow yourself to emerge glorious and radiant from a cocoon of hope and possibility…
…the only thing different from yesterday is a number on an arbitrary human design to display the passage of time. Nothing has changed. The world is still terrible and everything you hate about yourself persists and you are not suddenly in a better position to change any of those things.

lol j/k go shed them pounds! go 2014!!!! #newyearsrevolutions
– J

P.S.: I realized I didn’t discuss the strip’s content at all, but I don’t need to because it’s retarded and I’m pretty sure we’ve turned into an inescapable singularity of nonsense.